Wednesday, October 31, 2012

In which I am adored

The boys are wrestling in the hallway. I can hear them. Shouting. Bumping into things. They start every morning this way. It makes me smile even when it wakes me up way earlier than I'd like to be awake.

Gracie, comes yawning into my room, stretching her little body and crawling into bed. "I slept good, Mama....but now I want to snuggle." I open up the covers as she crawls into and snuggles close to me.


This is her happy place. No place in the world she'd rather be than snuggled in bed with me. We close our eyes as if sleeping again is actually a possibility while a full blown UFC fight is going on right outside my door. I tickle her. She giggles. We practice our butterfly and eskimo kisses. She sighs. "I love you mommy. so much."

My boys, they love me. We have fun together and we absolutely love and respect one another. But Gracie?  Well, she full on adores me. I am her favorite person in the world. I am her safe place. Anyone who has been around us can see it. She clings to my legs and watches how I react to certain people and situations. She proudly talks about how much alike we are....

and we are alike. She is my princess. Frilly dresses, twirly skirts, painted nails and a love of boots, we share. We are also both quite - how shall we say - spunky :) Gracie has a retort for everything. She is not one to be pushed into a corner or into a box of any kind. She is passionate and curious. I've never met a child with more words....especially questions....and deep words. Have you met a 6 year old who says "That person didn't make my heart feel safe"? She talks about how her heart feels regularly. She reminds people that no one can tell her how she feels and that she deserves respect. She quickly says that "You're not respecting my words - my words, they mean something" and when talking about slavery says that "it's never okay to own another human being."  At night, she prays for a few things consistently.....two of them being that Joseph Kony will be captured or killed and that Mr James will rescue more slaves.

This morning, as she snuggled in bed and read the wall of my bedroom aloud "Loose the chains of injustice, set the oppressed free" and then snuggled closer, I was struck by her precious heart and how she adores me. I've been reflecting on it all morning.

Gracie's adoration of me both challenges and teaches me.

She challenges me to be the best me I can possibly be. If she is going to look to me as a measure of love, safety and the role model of what it means to be a woman....than I want to be cognizant of my role. I want her to see a mama who loves Jesus with all of my heart. I want her to see a woman who isn't afraid to be broken before her Lord because she knows that safety is in His presence. I want her to see a believer who HOPES big and LOVES big. I want her to see me living in the great adventure that the Lord has for me. I want her to see a scholar who wrestles with scripture and doesn't take it lightly. I want her to see a friend who goes into deep, hard places with others and doesn't try to fix them...but is willing to sit, pray and love. I want her to see a servant leader who is more concerned with lifting others up and serving them than with being served. I want her to see a courageous woman who boldly strides where Jesus leads. I want her to see a dreamer, a lover, a prayer warrior, a servant, a doer of the gospel. I want her to be more sure of herself because I have done the work to be ok with myself. I want to go before the Father than He may heal my wounds so that I might lead her down a path of healing for the wounds she is sure to receive in this path of life. I want to inspire and empower her to seek after God on her own, to hear His voice and to walk the path He will lay out for her. I want more than anything for her to love Him and know Him intimately.

She teaches me about loving and knowing Him intimately as she snuggles into my side. I want to be like that with my God. I want to be so in awe of Him that He is all that I want. I want to cast all aside to snuggle into His presence. I want Him to know He is adored by me. I want to sigh in contentment when I spend time in His presence. I want to be an "adorer" more than just an admirer of my Savior.

Life is busy. This we all know. But this week, this day even, I want to find the time to adore. I found it this morning at the end of yoga. Those last few minutes where we find our "final resting". I sigh here as I ask Jesus to speak over me. When she tells us to roll onto our sides and begin to sit up, I want to rebel and just lay there in His presence longer. I want to find more of those places throughout

the day. A minute here, a sigh there, a snuggle in which I breathe deep. I want to adore Him and soak in every minute of my time in His presence. For He is the one that I love....He is my safe place. And....funny is in Him that I feel adored too :-)


  1. So powerful. Thank you, Brandi! You are a constant encouragement and challenger to me to live my life passionately.

  2. miss you. totally get the daughter thing. Spend lots of time snuggling in bed with both my girls. Pray for us as four of us battle Lymes disease. Noelle, of course, is the hardest hit. Someday I want to take the time to soak in all the words from your blog.