Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Simply Overwhelmed.

I am just overwhelmed. Like tears rolling down my face overwhelmed. In awe. Amazed. I'd say "there are no words"....but let's be honest, we all know that I'll just keep using words until I feel like something is expressed :)

I recently listened to this song again (video is just song with lyrics, so just press play and keep reading if you want ;)
She lists saint after saint...but when she gets to:
"i see the long quiet walk along the underground railroad
i see the slave awakening to the value of her soul
i see the young missionary and the angry spear
i see his family returning with no trace of fear
i see the long hard shadows of calcutta nights
i see the sister standing by the dying man’s side
i see the young girl huddled on the brothel floor
i see the man with a passion come kicking down that door"
I lose it. EVERY single time. I am overwhelmed that HE would choose to use me. THIS is what I get to do. I get to watch people come alive. I get to watch women who were in chains awaken to the value of their souls.

Yes, it's hard. Yes, I cry a LOT. Yes, I am sometimes overwhelmed by the pain, burdened by the stories, hurt by the flying accusations of unkind ex-husbands or misunderstanding family.  But truly, what I am is humbled. I am humbled that the God of the whole freaking universe would choose to let ME watch Him heal. In so many ways, all across the world, the Lord God allows us to be a part of His work.

Last night, I got an email from Chantel, the group leader for the girls I told you about yesterday. She took them out last night and they bought beautiful soaps for their "sisters" in Uganda. Fancy soaps, because these girls have lived in group homes where soap was a special treat. Chantel then printed off copies of my blogpost yesterday and read it to the girls. She said that they read and reread my words. She said that they cried. She said that MY words touched a part of their soul and gave them honor and dignity. I weep even now as I type this.....the Lord allowed ME to speak into little girls who He adores halfway across the US. I am humbled. I am amazed. I am so very, very, very thankful.

And next week I get to head to Uganda. So often, when people ask what I'm involved in and how I spend my time, they respond to my answer with a sort of "you are such a good person" type response. But the truth is - I am PRIVILEGED. I am HONORED. I am BLESSED to GET to do what I get to do. I am absolutely overwhelmed that God has chosen me to speak healing to 2,000 women in Uganda. I am blessed that He might use a portion of my pain and brokenness and journey to healing to speak His words of truth and love and healing to another hurting woman.

I know I talk a lot about fundraising and the needs in Uganda and elsewhere....but can I tell you something? It's not because I want to guilt you into giving. Nope. Not at ALL. Actually, I just want to invite you to the party. I want you to sit at your computer with tears streaming down your face next week when I share the story of a woman who has known only suffering so far, but for whom YOU provided a loan. I want YOU to get to feel this same humbled sense of blessing. I just want you to be at the party with me because this party sometimes hurts, it often costs me a lot financially and emotionally, but it is the best thing I have ever done. The opportunity to see a slave awakening to the value of her soul is priceless. Whether she was a slave to poverty, to abuse, to abandonment - whatever chains she had - the opportunity to watch the chains disappear is unmatched.

When those saints go marching in.....I want to be in that number. I want to pour my life out so others may live. I want to live in extravagant love to the world around me that they may see the healing love of my Jesus. I want to lay in the dirt with people who are broken and whisper in their ears, you are loved, you are worth is coming.

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