Monday, July 23, 2012

To hide or not to hide.

Blogging is actually quite scary for me. There is a time to hide and a time to speak and be free.

When all of life came crashing down around me almost 2 years ago....I went into hiding. I crawled into Jesus' arms and hid in the shadow of His wings. I needed His daily care. I need His protection.

So I stopped blogging, I stopped FBing, I stopped tweeting.....I drew away to be alone with Jesus. Or maybe, better said, the Lord stripped me of everything but Him. I'm not saying it was easy. Actually, it was the hardest months of my life. But the Lord used that time.

He taught me how to hide.

Hiding isn't always a bad thing. When people are shooting you left and right....getting a bullet proof vest is actually a GREAT idea!

Eventually....I went back to FB but got VERY good at blocking people :) I teasingly say (though it's wholly the truth) that my FB is actually pretty open because "I'm not afraid of strangers, I'm afraid of people I know!"  FB became a place where I could gently emerge out of my shell. And often, it became a place of healing for me. I would get the most random emails from people all across the world encouraging me and telling me that they were praying for me.

In blogging - there is no blocking. This is an open space.

But ya know what? I think I'm ok now. I think I'm ok to stand up in the field and not be scared of the bullets. Will they come? YEP! I know that fully. The bullets have actually never stopped. But I think Jesus has given me a pretty precious little bullet proof vest in the form of REALLY knowing what He thinks of me now.

The truth is - bullets will always fly my way. I am called to stand in the gap and fight for justice. I walk with women who are walking away from abusive marriages when others tell them to suck it up and stay. I fight and raise awareness for victims of human trafficking. I work in Uganda and am on the front lines across the world, kneeling next to people in the dirt and showing them that Jesus is still right there with them. So....of COURSE... I'm going to get shot at....

And that's ok, because it's worth it. I am thankful for the journey Jesus has called me to walk. I am not ashamed of who I am or of my story. I love my Jesus and I KNOW He adores me.

So that's it. No more hiding. This is am. I am me. No hiding. No apologies. I'm not claiming to be perfect in any way. I am me. Broken and yet loved by my Jesus.

oh yeah...and I AM moderating even if the bullets fly...I'll just delete them :)

1 comment:

  1. yep. Right there with ya. Except I'm a weenie whose going to hide the blog for a while.... I gotta get used to the water again. xoxo