Friday, January 4, 2013

My One Word For This Year (you have to read it to know what it is :)

I wrote a few days ago on how I don't do resolutions, but I do have some high hopes for you and for me. After reading She Loves post on a NEW resolution movement: one word 365, though....I was inspired. Inspired to ask Jesus to lay ONE WORD on my heart for this year. A hope. A challenge. An inspiration. A guide. A foundation to come back to throughout the year. All of this wrapped up in ONE WORD.

I wrestled all morning with the Lord as I sought out my ONE WORD. I wanted something beautifully that told me that Jesus planned on this being the best year of my life. The last few years, my themes have been freedom, healing and hope. I was sorta hoping Jesus would whisper "jubilee" or "fulfillment of everything I've ever promised" or something equally as thrilling. I was staying away from words like "patience' because, well, we all know it's just plain crazy to pray for patience :)

Then....He spoke....and with a rush I knew what my word was:

SOAR
It's equal parts thrilling and absolutely terrifying to me!

When I got out of the shower (because as we all know, that's where Jesus speaks to me :), I looked up the definition of this word. Here's what freedictionary.com has to say about the word "soar":
soar  (sôr, sr)intr.v. soared, soar·ing, soars
1. To rise, fly, or glide high and with little apparent effort.
2. To climb swiftly or powerfully.
3. To glide in an aircraft while maintaining altitude.
4. To ascend suddenly above the normal or usual level
 Two things struck me about these definitions. Firstly, the inclusion of the phrase "with little apparent effort". Sigh. I release my unknowingly held breath as I realize I don't have to strive. Nothing. Just soar....and let Him do the work. whatever that means??? :) I guess He will have to show me! The other thing that stuck out to me was the last definition "above the normal or usual level". Another sigh. I love this. For me, these definitions put all the emphasis on HIM. This is HIS work. No work from me. No striving. It's not about my adequacy or ability to soar. My "flying" skills don't even factor.  "Above the normal or usual level"....this has to be supernatural.

The terrifying part? I feel so inadequate. It seems to me that soaring means walking into my gifting in a new way. This terrifies me to the core. What if I'm not really gifted? What if these big dreams, visions, even the prophecies that others have spoken over me are just pipe dreams? What if I'm like the ugly kid who tells everyone she's going to be Miss Universe one day? What if everyone hears my dreams, my plans for this new non-profit, the ideas for She's Worth It and my trips to SE Asia and Uganda this year and thinks "awe....that's cute, little girl. But get real, this is a grown ups world and you are not cut out for this." I wonder secretly if I will put myself out there only to be shot down? I wonder if I will fail. I wonder if I will be accepted by others.
I'm a little like a little bird watching the air....wondering if I can do this. Wondering if I can fly. If I do, will the other birds accept me? Will there be birds who fly with me? Will I be flying alone?

And then, I remember. I remember that this is about HIM. All I have to do is take the next step...or the next flap of my wings? (how exactly does that analogy work? :) It's about following Him. It's about being who I was created to be and living in freedom and in beauty. He is the one who accepts me. He is the one who will fly with me. There are no guarantees that anything I do will be successful....but then again, who says what's successful? Successful is following my Jesus wherever He may lead. Success will be soaring into who I am, unashamed - no holding back - utter abandon to the one who created these wings.

I want to soar into the fullness of my freedom. Free to be me. Free from wounds and lies. Free from the boxes I have created or others have shoved me into. Free from control. Free from the bondage that comes from living for others' approval. Free to fly with my God.

We will see how this word plays out this year....in ministry, in relationships, in further healing, in my spiritual life. All I know for now is that I am called to SOAR. 

2 comments:

  1. Amazing...the two parts of the definition that you said stuck out to you were the two very same parts that stuck out to me. Confirmation? But of course, darling! You may look forward to me saying to you many times in 2013, "Brandi...soar." :) Love you. So excited for what this year will bring you.

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