Saturday, September 1, 2012

Where Miracles Lie

Confession time: this last week has been hard. On multiple levels.

Personally speaking, I look around and I see ashes on many levels. While this whole "I'm not hiding any more" thing is great and's also scary as hell. I am triggered at many turns and still live with wounds, especially the wounds of people walking away from me. I find myself afraid of what will be said of me now that I am not hiding. I find myself afraid of people walking away. I get tired of doing life alone. Being a single mom is hard. Leading a ministry of any kind is hard. I am created to do life in community. Yes, I know that's true for most....but it's way true for me :-) I want a partner in this life and in this journey. I live in the longing and ache of that. I live with the wounds. I live among the ashes.

In ministry, I get overwhelmed. So many needs. I woke up Friday morning to word that we have approx 25 more kids in our school fees program than I originally thought. I woke up to news that 3 of our mamas need surgery and one of our kids does. I woke up and was overwhelmed with the need of it all before I even had both eyes open. So much pain. So much suffering. So much need. How can I do it? I know it's His responsibility and not mine, but it weighs heavy on my heart for I am the one who has looked into their eyes and now must be their voice.

Within my circle of friends is much pain. Friends walking out of abusive relationships. Friends staying in abusive relationships. Pain all around. Ashes that seem to grow by the day. Memories that they process aloud with me that are memories no person should carry. Christians turning away from beautiful people in their moment of greatest need and vulnerability. My heart breaks.

This morning on my way to breakfast I was listening to my new New Life Worship cd and the song "Great I Am" and all of a sudden, just like perspective changed.

"We want to see dry bones living again - singing as one "Hallelujah"

Yes, my heart screamed! That is what I want! I LOVE to see people come to life. I LOVE watching hope come where there was once hopelessness. I LOVE watching beauty grow from ashes. I LOVE watching "dry bones" live and dance again.

And I knew as my heart soared a simple truth to see dry bones live again, you must hang out in the cemetery. You have to hang out among the ashes, in the cemetery, with the dry bones if you actually want to see them rise to life.

You see, the beauty of "dry bones living again" is the dry bones part. That's the miracle part. Dry, dead, lifeless bones coming to life.

The miracle is often in the chasm. It's what makes it a miracle. It's what makes it astounding. This is why we love stories like this in the movies: of a pauper made king. There is no great emotion and wonder tied to a princess becoming queen. No. It is when the young prince decides to go out among the people and find himself the most unlikely (by the worlds standards) girl and make her queen. That is where a movie script lies.

We are enthralled by wonder and enraptured by miracles.

Let me tell you - if you want to see miracles, you've got to hang among the desperate.

So among my ashes, both personal, ministry and for my friends, I have hope. I will humbly and gratefully stand among the ashes with my friends here and with our mamas in Uganda....because, this is the stuff miracles are made of. These are the people God redeems and does glorious things with. These are the situations that are ripe for the kind of wonderous miracles that enrapture my heart.


  1. Oh . . . . Brandi. I needed to read this. Thank you so much. You are so right. You live in the fullest way I have ever seen . . . . . experiencing the entire wide spectrum of emotion -- from pain to elation. God is glorified in the ways that you experience life -- in all your "live" woundedness and openness. You are beautiful.

  2. Is there a way to set up monthly payments for the Uganda project or sponsorship? We don't have the resources for a large donation right now.

    I love your heart so much, Brandi. So does the Lord. He will give you strength.