Thursday, September 27, 2012

An Unmanageable WildFlower

***This is from my counseling session yesterday....thought I'd share it with you***

"I never fit into any neat boxes," I hear Jesus whisper at the same time that my counselor says to me, "Brandi, I don't think you are every going to be understandable to others or fit into neat boxes. I think He is going to call you to do and be things that don't fit into what others deem acceptable."

I sigh. I know this truth. I even love it at times. Other times, it hurts. People are unkind and the truth is....sometimes I long to be understood - to take an easy path. Jesus is kind, though and whispers to me in these hurting places.... He tells me that people won't understand me because I don't fit into their boxes. I'm no longer the good, Christian girl that follows along with everything everyone thinks she should do. On the other hand, I don't completely fit into the "bad" box that they want to squeeze me into either. I do things, say things, believe things, hang out with people that they disagree with or are uncomfortable around....but at the same time, they hear me speak of my Jesus and somehow see the beauty of Him in the most unlikely of packages. And this confuses people. And this is ok.

"I want you to be a wildflower" I hear Him speak so clearly.
Used with permission from Sweet Abby of LoveRoots Photography

In that moment, I see 3 pictures. All of wildflowers.

The first shot is a beautiful field of wildflowers. Yellow flowers spread out before me. Beauty that is breath taking and awe-inspiring.

The second flower is one blossoming from among the ashes in the burn scar here in the mountains. With the major wild fire that spread throughout our mountains just a few months ago, the burn scar is often evident. Dark swaths cut out of the beauty of our beloved mountains. Ashes where there once was life. It is here, amongst inches of ashes that I see a flower rise forth.

The final shot is a flower blooming in the rocks. When you go mountain climbing here, you will often find flowers where there should seemingly be none. Flowers growing out of rocks with no soil around. These flowers are baffling and beautiful because of their unpredictability. You want to lean down and cheer them on; to support and affirm their strength and beauty.

Here is where He stops me.

"I want you to be a wild flower. This wildflower fought it's way through the earth in dark places, standing strong to shout of my beauty.  That is you. You will fight through the darkness in hard places to declare my Beauty. You will declare my beauty where people think there should be only darkness and ashes. You will speak to others of beauty where they think only ashes are possible."

When we are planting our gardens and making our landscapes beautiful, we are simply mimicking the beauty of the wild. We take these big, beautiful pots and carefully place beauty where we think it should go. It is perfectly planned. It is carefully maintained. And yes, it is pretty.

Wildflowers on the other hand are wild. They appear everywhere. They are unmanageable. They are unpredictable. They are wild. They are scandalous - insisting on appearing where they have not been planted. They exist and shout beauty with wild abandon. They aren't just pretty, they are jaw dropping, awe-inspiring beauty.

That's what He is calling me to to join me? Want to be a wildflower? Forget the pots and pretty lines. Forget the manicured lawns. Let's exist among the weeds. Let's fight through the ashes and the rock to shout His beauty. Let's love and live and shout beauty with wild abandon. Let's be unpredictable and unmanageable :)

Me...after climbing a 14er....admiring the wildflowers on the hillside
In the end, right before we finished up, He reminded me of one more thing. He reminded me that not only does HE love the wildflowers....but I do too. The wild abandon thrills my heart. It really is ME. It's what He loves about me. It's who I want to be. It's who He is.

1 comment:

  1. now it makes sense why i've always loved wildflowers :) love you.